Couples Weight Loss: Build a Team That Can’t Be Beaten
By R. E. Masa, Ph.D. Some spouses (or partners) criticize their beloved for “needing to lose weight” in a way that is fundamentally damaging to the relationship. In addition to harming the bond that “being attractive” is supposed to enhance, such criticism actively impedes actual efforts to lose weight while masquerading as help. An antagonistic, criticism-based approach to weight loss may be well suited to a drill instructor, but their goal is not to win your love; antagonistic weight loss has no place in romantic relationships. What can and does work is for both parties to be on the same side. Being overweight is often exacerbated by–and further aggravates–”low self-esteem.” Any additional criticism only makes that core situation worse. One of the best alternatives is for both partners to create a shared approach to eating that accounts for the strengths and weaknesses of both partners as a team and which views “negative eating-behaviors” as the only–and mutual–opponent. Having a common goal and a common opponent can bring couples closer together. Why not convert divisiveness into constructive, cohesive teamwork. Social support is so critical to human beings, that many problems are best approached as a team. My mentor, Harvey, loved to tell teaching stories. They were parables which many weeks or years later we would begin to understand and apply to our lives. Harvey often referred to the extensive healing network he had built as “the softball team that could not be beaten.” Harvey said the secret to building an unbeatable team was not that each member had to be an individual star who could out-perform all the competition. The secret was to know the abilities and limitations of each player so well that you could assemble a team in which every individual’s weakness was effectively compensated for by the strength of another team member! With this careful composition, the team could accomplish together what none of its individual members could do alone. This story planted a seed that matured years later when I realized I could be part of a team that could triumph over the opponent of obesity, which had defeated me, battling it alone, for decades. This principle is one of the greatest secrets of how my partner, Debbie, and I succeeded in losing over 100 pounds between us–as a team–where it had been truly impossible for us as individuals; meeting this challenge as a team did not drain or strain our relationship, it inspired and enriched our ways of being together. First, in Harvey’s model, you must learn each players’ strengths and weaknesses. For a weight-loss team, if partner A is the more impulsive eater, then partner B should do the shopping. I could not make it through grocery shopping without eating snacks in the store and buying things I later regretted having at home. My partner, Debbie, did not have much trouble shopping wisely. To balance out the tasks, partner A could be put in charge of cutting up and putting the raw meats and vegetables into a slow cooker in the mornings when many impulse eaters have not yet begun the snacking cycle and are unlikely to snack on raw meat anyway! (There are so few fans of chicken tar tar.) That impulsive person A can also help with online shopping where the food is only an image on glass and has no calories. This results in better food choices and despite the fee for home delivery we more than compensated by preventing impulse buying! Grocery stores and marketers and packaging experts have invested literally millions of dollars to seduce and coerce shoppers into buying more than they planned to when entering the store. They have a huge team! You need one too. Assess your strengths and weaknesses as a team and divide up the tasks so the best person is assigned to every food related task and you are guaranteed to get better results than letting each person attempt to do everything best they can. If you have a weight issue, it’s because this approach has already failed. What if dieting brought a couple closer together instead of driving them apart? Whatever your personal strengths or weaknesses, you can be part of a winning team. See Dr Masa and Debbie Hart’s ebook, “How We Lost Our First 100 Pounds Together: Romantic Weight Loss for Couples.” Consider some great options for online help from Weight Watchers. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=R._E._Masa,_Ph.D. http://EzineArticles.com/?Couples-Weight-Loss:-Build-a-Team-That-Cant-Be-Beaten&id=386936 ambien vs restoril ativan abuse ativan habit forming ambien symptoms
